I had to read the dictionary definition to remind me, but I think “liminal” is the best word to describe my feelings right now.
liminal
adjective 1. occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.
2.relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.
Oli, 2025.
I observe my wife transitioning into her new career, launching her own business.
My eldest daughter, about to start high school, my youngest about to change primary schools.
Even my day to day has become liminal in it’s nature.
Am I uncomfortable? Not really, but I think it elicits certain feelings depending on what it is I’m observing. It’s a complex mix of pride, grief, joy and love. Different dimensions of love.
The smell of salt water, hot chips and battered fish fills the air. The sounds of my families laughter fills the air. I’ve got no shoes on, my feet covered in sand, I feel the grass beneath me.
I stare out over field. I suddenly feel lonely. I take this photo. My senses are flooded again, salty smells, sounds of love, and a connection to home beneath me, the lonely feeling is now fleeting.
Well, I posted something last week, and I pushed it out in a bit of a rush. It’s been so long, and I’ve been radio silent for so long, I got a little bit over excited and just published it.
Now we’re at the end of the week, I’ve had some more time go through images, and to think about what I wanted to say.
Mornington, Feb 2024.
Last time I posted, I spoke about a personal project I was kicking off.
The good news is that I’ve got everything in place to start. I’ve got the tools, the plan and the contracts ready to go, I just need to do it.
I was about to say “the bad news”, but after reflecting on it I’m not sure if that would be true. After some convincing, my sabbatical became short, and I’ve been back to work. On top of this, had a minor health scare. Happy to confirm I’m completely healthy, just the joys of getting older and living with VWD.
Kiama, April 2025.
But just touching on why I titled this post, and more importantly, why I’m not upset about the fact that I’m behind on my goal.
Australians, especially ones who were raised on the coast like I was, you’re imparted some wisdom at a pretty young age specifically when swimming at the beach. Rips are strong currents that pulls you out into the ocean very quickly. The advice is to not fight against it, as the strength of the rip will burn you out and before you know it you’re too tired to keep your head above water.
Instead, you conserve you’re energy, swim out of the rip, instead of against it, and then swim back to the shoreline.
I’m currently in the rip and not panicking. Waiting for the right time to swim out and get back to my shoreline where I can pick up where I left off.
Kiama, March 2025
In the meantime, I’ll look for opportunities where I can find my joy. Going through these images has brought me a lot of joy, so I think I just need to make space for me to shoot more.
Unless I get pulled into another rip. Let’s see how we go.
My last post was about being kinder to myself, and so, I’ve been taking steps to improve my health, physically, mentally and spiritually.
I made a big decision recently, which was difficult. If we talk about kindness, part of that for me is to have a creative outlet. I’ve been fortunate enough to have avenues within my professional career to have that outlet, but more recently I could feel the tide going out on my current day job, and so I decided to return to a personal project I’ve been planning for a while. (I’ll share more about that when I kick it off in full swing.)
Richmond, 2024
This big decision was bittersweet.
People are a big part of what motivate me and so losing that day-to-day connection is hard for me. I’m leaving behind some people, who I hope to be my friends for the rest of my life, and so that’s the bitter part of this bittersweet feeling.
The sweet feeling is knowing that I’m working on something that I’ve wanted to do, and for so long. I’ve treated my body of work as a hobby. Photography, my personal expression has taken a back seat while I pursued my career in the corporate world.
Box Hill, 2024
This big decision means I’ve flipped my body of work take the front seat again.
Pursuing something I have complete creative control again brings me joy, and so I’m excited to kick this project off. Excited to put something out in the world and see how it responds in turn. I feel like I’m treading on old grounds.
Even if it fails, I don’t mind. I just want to create, say something I want to say.
I’ve put more focus on myself lately. Focusing on being kinder to myself and taking extra steps to ensure my mental health is doing better. “Working on my worth, working on who I am.“
Anyway, I finally developed some film. Images of places that bring me joy.
This roll of memories has been in my camera for a good 4 months. The more 35mm I shoot, the more I’m reminded why I’ve always preferred the less frames I had in a medium format roll.
By nature, I’m iterative. I like to create, put things into the world, reflect, learn and experiment. Having long stretches like a 36-frame roll of film drags out this process.
Sure you may save a few bucks on costs, but I think personally I find more value in a more frequent reflection loop.
Again, I find myself visiting the same locations, shapes and themes. Over and over again.
I have a deep connection with the ocean, and water in general. I dream about it more than I can recall. I’ve mentioned on this blog previously that I have a recurring dream where I drown in the ocean.
I initially thought this was a nightmare. I would/still do feel panicked when I wake, but, more recently, I think what I’ve learned about myself is that my subconscious mind is telling me something. I need to immerse myself into what I love doing. I need to drown in my passions, otherwise I lose myself and begin to fade away.
Cody Spencer Photography 