I initially started this blog and documentation of my memories as a way to have something my daughters can look over and get an understanding of who their father was and what his experiences were. A real motivation from fear that one day my disease will may end up in the abrupt closing of my story.
My photos have always been an expression of my feelings, as move through life, and historically I wanted my daughters to view my photos and tap into some of the feelings I’ve felt when looking through my eyes.
Here we are in 2023, and I honestly never thought I’d be witness to this time. Maybe I’m being hyperbolic as a result of having constant anxiety of living with this disease, but I feel more recently I’ve turned a chapter. Every new moment with my family is a blessing I never thought I’d have, and so my perspective of life has changed.
With this new cognitive freedom, my mindset has flipped from one that’s waiting for the end, to one that is of squeezing out the most of life as I can. I’m finding my motivation for creating photos now isn’t that anxiety driven need to capture what I can before the time runs out, but of one of inner reflection and better understanding myself.
I’m genuinely very happy.
Memories are an ongoing theme of my work, I think they’re fascinating, and a large motivation for me initially when I decided to shoot film photography was that physical representation of my memories.
Certain memories are so vivid in my mind still, like the seeing my daughters faces for the first time, or the first kiss I shared with my wife. Distinct emotional events that shape my life.
It’s why I’m finding joy going through these backlogs of undeveloped…..memories. The below images, I can’t recall exactly when I took them, other than the fact this would have been around 2019. What is distinct is I do recall how this double exposure set happened. I remember one of my favorite cameras jammed up and stopped working. I removed the roll and loaded it into another one I had on hand.
Although the emotional impact here isn’t really comparable to the before mentioned memories, I think for me it’s acted as a reminder as to how much I enjoy this process. To lose one my favorite tools was disappointing enough for it to register in my memory.
Another roll from 2019. I remember a majority of these images come from a post lockdown outing. We are fortunate enough to live close to the coast and bushland.
I think I’ve got a bit of a posting rhythm now and as I start to build up my motivation again you should see some content regularly pop up here.
Oh, and merry Christmas and happy holidays.
I went into the city one night this month to catch up with an old friend, which is interesting, as the weather was exactly the same as the last time we met. Pouring Melbourne rain.
I’ve been pretty quiet the past few months, to be truthful I’ve been moderately uninspired. This lull usually kicks in this time of year I’ve come to realise. Which I feel is clear in these images. They’re nothing profound, and truthfully I don’t particularly like them. Upon reflection I was taking photos for the sake of taking photos, because “that’s what I do.”, in saying this I’m uploading them as a small reminder to stop shooting for the sake of shooting. I remember thinking “I just want to finish this roll”, which is a behaviour I haven’t seen in myself in a long time.
I think I need to take a stroll alone through the city, with no expectations of meeting anyone. A moment of needed meditation, deep breath, and drink in my surroundings.