Category: portrait

Self portrait. 2007.

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Self portrait. 2007.

This photo defeats the purpose of this blog.
The photo is of a much younger me, i’m nineteen in this image.

The photo is one of the first portraits i ever took of myself. At age nineteen i decided i wanted to photograph stuff. No direction, just young and naive.
I’ve been taking photos off and on for 6 years, when i say “off and on” i mean very rarely, the longest gap between photos at one point was 10 months.
Thats the reason why whenever in my bio’s i only say around 2-3 years, collectively thats about how much time i would have put in the past 6 years. It’s only the past 2-3 years i’ve gained a purpose to my work and as an artist.
I slowed right down when i moved to sydney at age twenty, which i regret.
Knowing and feeling the way i do now i would have had a camera with me at all times.
From the beaches of Maroubra to the kitchen of an italian man who had a hanging of assorted cheeses in Broadway, i would have gotten some great memories to show Charli.

But like i was saying it defeats the purpose, this blog is to represent an older man. Not a younger boy. No longer a boy but a man with direction. I talk about what “an older man” is in this post https://codyspencerphoto.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/i-am-afraid/
Maybe i’m just over thinking, lost in reminiscent thoughts.

Self Portrait.2013.

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Self Portrait.2013.

Now that i think about it this is the first photo i’ve ever put up of myself.

I write about my feelings and fears but i don’t really talk about myself.
This is me.
I struggle to really talk about myself, even now i’m hesitant to write.

I guess i could start with something i’ve noticed about myself recently.

I can’t stand ego’s, hate them. Working where i do has really taught me some restraint. Dealing with people all day and being confronted with ego’s almost every hour.

I’ve realised i’ve become tolerable of an ego.
That’s not to say they don’t get under my skin, i still feel the chains of my restraint crack when you get that condescending half smile, half look as they brush you off while you offer them a hand.
I’ve come a long way from my younger self, the younger man would have simply replied” go fuck yourself” with an equally condescending look.

Is this growing up? Patience is a virtue i suppose.
I’d rather my daughter see me this way, being tolerable. To a point of course, i won’t let myself become a pushover. Patience is the key.

Day 405. The people that are left and the person that now is.

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Day 405. The people that are left and the person that now is.

Sunday the 21st of july marked the one year anniversary of when i finished photographing 40 days.

Well i thought i finished, this photo was taken on that anniversary, thirteen months after we lost my father in law. Day 405.

One year after the incident and we’ve all changed so much, my wife now a mother, my sister in law now a woman taking up the reigns of the household and my mother law in the centre is still grieving over the loss of her husband.

The baby in the centre being held by mother in law is my daughter Charli.

Charli was the biggest decision of our lives.
Two days after we lost Tony we decided to have a baby.
The main reason behind it was because i was born with a very rare disorder.
I have Von Willebrand disease type 3, the easiest explanation is that my body only produces a small amount of clotting agent so when i bleed……i bleed a lot.

Even the past four days i’ve been nursing a bleeding nose.
Losing Tony suddenly was a real eye opener for us.
I honestly thought i would go first….before everyone i knew.

The plan changed. Instead of waiting until we were financially secure with a house, a car and a career we were happy with. Instead we decided we wanted Charli to spend as much time with me as possible.

It was the best decision we have ever made.
The day we decided to have a baby was the day i decided to change why i use film photography,I now use film to have a physical representation of my first person view.
Something i was going to pass down to this person i haven’t even met yet.

What she does with my memories is totally up to her, this is my legacy to her.

Never to impress but simply to record.