Category: Thoughts.

Life is good.

coduez1 Comment

Today i was asked “how’s life?”. Well Life is good. In fact it’s never been this good, my beautiful family is beautiful, our new home is incredible and all of this together with the impending warm seasons coming up living on the beach will finally be worth it. I’ve never been this happy.

But.

I cut myself during cleaning the dishes. 

The whole experience spoke a little to well to me and led me down a rather dark depressing daydream. The knife an accident just waiting to happen, the water draining from the sink as my blood drains from my body.A dark reminder of my condition kicks in.My conscious slips down the rabbit hole. Deeper.Darker……….

My day dream is shattered by a small voice calling out to me, “dad!”. The little voice of my daughter calls out, a light goes on.The cockroaches of anxiety scatter and crawl back into the cracks of my mind………I’m greeted by a little face of concern. Blood had run down my arm, my daughter was looking at it pointing at the last drop that was about to run off my elbow.

I wash my arm and pick her up, tell her it’s going to be okay. Show her that dad’s alright. Truth is…. she makes me alright.

Life is good.

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Food and my thoughts.

coduez1 Comment

So as i type this i’m going through a batch of photos i took a few days ago.

I worked a small job for the colleague i attend, a graduates ceremony. An hour in i feel regretful, I haven’t done a job like this in years.

I’ve never really liked to do work for other people,photography is my creative outlet. It’s the way i express myself and over the past few years that’s really  solidified.

The photo below is the only photo i took for myself and the only photo i’m happy with, i won’t be doing this again.

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Happy 2014.

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Happy 2014.

So it’s been awhile since i’ve uploaded a photo.
I’ve had no spare time at all. I take my Pentax to work but have only had very small moments to use it. I’ve been sitting on this one roll for about a month.

So most of the next few shots will be from around the mall again. Trying to find something within my surroundings and trying to make something from it.

Happy new years everybody.

Fear is the hand that pulls your strings.

coduezLeave a comment

Fear is the hand that pulls your strings.

I was talking to a friend about this moment.
This is the first photo i took when i came to in Westmead hospital after a major bleed.

I’ve haven’t bled that much since i was a child, i almost died again.
When i woke i had my camera on my bedside table, a nikon f60 that my mother had given me when i was nineteen.
My wife had left it for me, the clock read 4:27am. I had to walk.

I detached my drip and slung it over my shoulder. I remember it being so quite, just the hum of machines.

Collecting my thoughts, i didn’t know who i was anymore. A week later i had a nervous breakdown. Not many people noticed, i was afraid.

This was the end of the younger and the beginning of an older man.
Today is the two year anniversary.